Regret, To Me.

A word that only makes sense when it is felt, not just said. A word people go on casually uttering even when they don’t really mean it. Like “I regret having this cup of tea with you”, whereas, in reality, you don’t ‘really regret’, you just want to express the angst mood the situation got you into. After all, can you really ‘regret’ having a cup of tea on ONE occasion? Despite the severity of the situation, you never really ‘regret’ having that one cup of tea, no. You may wish the occurrence never took place or be disturbed by the repercussions it brought but that’s no regret.

Regret, to me, weights you down with heavier bags of emotions. It’s not just a feeling of sadness or disappointment according to Google, it’s a deeper question to one’s ability to do something. It’s an open door for welcoming self-doubt. It’s an endless pool of self-loathe that consumes your peace of mind by lingering for countless days, even a lifetime.

In our everyday life, we hardly pay heed to the very detailed events taking place around us. It comes to our attention only when and once they’re gone, permanently. That’s when we come to our senses that it was once there, that’s when we truly learn about its existence.

Despite this being an issue of human psychology, THIS leads us to some of the biggest regrets in life, especially when the damages are permanent. Especially when there’s no more undo buttons. Especially when appeasing a situation is beyond our abilities.

And especially when it pertains to a person, who perhaps is no longer there, alive, to tell you to take care of your health. Perhaps a tune that no longer plays, by the person you desperately miss now, maybe a dog that no longer stays sleeping on the stairs hindering your way. It’s the things that you never noticed and everything you notice now, now that it’s gone.

Regret is a feeling of extreme sorrow topped with crumbles of self-loathe, it makes you question why you didn’t know any better. Regret is a childish ask to turn back time, or sometimes a trivial demand asking for just one more chance to make things right.

But there’s the catch, if we had the chance to turn back time and make things right, there would never be any regret in the first place. And like everything, we would’ve taken regret for granted as well. So, when regret comes, regret stays and it prevails, and in extreme cases, regret kills.

It’s evil and ignoble. But then again, it never leaves without a lesson.